If you are in a relationship, you may experience something that you resent. If it is not something real, you may feel that it is out there. It is somewhere which is either far or near, but you can’t see it. Resentment can exist even in an intimate relationship. However, those great couples can handle it well.
When you wake up in the morning and see the TV room at a mess, you will blame your partner. If she hangs out more frequently with her friends rather than you, you will question her love. When you start to compare your partner to your ex, beware. Those blaming, questioning and comparing are a few signs of resentment. If those great couples can handle resentment well, so do you.
Below are 8 ways to beat resentment in relationship.
Before this blaming thing goes real, introspection is a good beginning. Sometimes we don’t realize that the cause of the relationship is so sour is due to ourselves. Make sure whether or not the source of the problem is related to your partner. Do a thorough introspection and find the root. If the source of the problem is not your partner, it will be another problem if you keep that resentment.
- Acknowledge the feeling
Yes, forgetting a past problem is another way to let go of resentment. However, if you’ve already found the source and know who starts the problem, don’t stop there. It will be unfair for the other, especially if it happens every day. If you frequently find your partner being annoying, acknowledge that feeling. The problem is there, and you need to think about what makes your partner does that way. If it is something changeable, ask your partner to change. You can even help your partner change if necessary.
- Be honest to yourself
It may be hard for some people who never hate anyone. But if you feel hurt, that hate is there. You should be honest that there is something wrong with your partner. This problem should be fixed before it ruins both of you. You should also be honest to yourself if you have become the source of the problem for all this time. By being honest, you know who needs to change.
- Don’t compare
When discussing the problem with your partner, don’t compare who is better. A relationship is not a competition. In fact, you work together to achieve something. You cannot win when your partner loses. Even if it is true that you’re the one who is hurt, make sure you don’t hurt your partner by comparing. The comparison only makes things worse. Instead, try to discuss it with a cool mind to find the best solution together.
- Be present
Everyone makes mistakes as nobody’s perfect. If you resent what has happened in the past, stop doing that. That time is over, and the problem is far behind. You cannot go back to the past to rectify the wrong. Besides, you and your partner has changed.
If you still hold that resentment, it will eat you. It will consume your energy, and it takes a lot of thought. You cannot focus on what you are doing now that matters. Then you will change into somebody you’re not, and you don’t want that. Forget what has been in the past. What happened in the past should be in the past. It cannot come to and ruin the present.
- Learn to apologize and forgive
When you made a mistake and be the source of the problem, don’t hesitate to apologize. Everyone has their time of weakness, which sometimes turns them into someone they don’t know. Someone who apologizes actually shows strength. A strength that s/he has the courage and strength to do good things.
If your partner apologizes for his/her mistake, how big the mistake was, learn to forgive him/her. Forgiving creates a bigger space in your heart and make you a better person.
- Change the way you discuss the problem
When you fail to discuss the problem with your partner, you probably need to change the way you communicate it. Nobody wants to be blamed. Instead of admitting their mistakes, they tend to blame others for not understanding the way they are. Thus, changing the way of communication is the best way.
You can say something like, “The way you spoke to me yesterday actually hurt me,” instead of, “I hated the way you talked to me yesterday.” Or, “I think I need a little help with the laundry,” instead of, “Who will do the laundry? Me again? Then what do you do?”
- Keep your intimacy
Suddenly being away or avoiding your partner isn’t a good idea. Instead of thinking that s/he has made a mistake, your partner will think that you don’t love him/her. Thus, it doesn’t solve the problem. Instead, keep the intimacy until you know it is the right time to discuss the problem.
Resentment in relationship is normal. Everyone experiences it at least once in their lifetime. Instead of thinking that it is a problem, try to think of it as a test. A test that if you successfully pass, your relationship will be stronger.